A Rebalance

Everyone should consistently try to improve themselves. Period.

I picked up chess recently. It was, and still remains a hobby for me. For many interests that I’ve had, I take a few lessons and take it somewhat seriously for a few weeks. The interest dissipates and the hobby is quickly forgotten. Some examples include piano, karate, movies, photography, batman comic books, batman movies, etc. Yet, chess has persisted a few months now and I’m really loving it. I’ve seen YouTube videos and have played locally at a few spots. But, for about a week I didn’t really play anymore. My interest was disappearing and becoming quickly lost with time.

Obviously, with this attitude and mentality, I’ll never get good, or develop any serious skill in any of these hobbies. Duh.

I think this is what happens in my social life. Every time, I attempt to actively be a better person by making people comfortable around me, making my friends laugh, and being overall a good person.

Don’t think that I’m this evil, sadistic person who enjoys inflicting pain. However, my sense of humor is brash, sometimes I’m blunt, and enjoy a conversation where I bully my thesis in your face.

Why am I like this? Great question. That’s a topic for another day.

Of course, if I don’t improve myself and don’t have a desire to keep my small group of friends, then I shouldn’t care. I do, though. Very much.

Self-monitoring. That’s a set of words I haven’t heard since my college days. For those that want to say, “Dude, you shouldn’t change yourself for other people”. Yeah, great advice if I want to keep hurting peoples’ feeling. Truly, I should aspire to be someone that’s genuine, but nice. Heck, I’m even willing to compromise on being an asshole sometimes, when it’s really needed.

I’ll see how long this mentality lasts before I plateau.

Lesson Learned.

Yes, sometimes an intervention is needed.

I recently offended one of my best friends.

We had the bright idea of going dancing on a Saturday night. No biggie, we’ve done that before. Although, I’m hesitant on doing anything on a Saturday night because I work Sunday morning. I never thought I would whine about sleep, but whatdyanknow.

We head off, my buddy drives us to downtown. We are kind of excited, but I’m dreading work the day after. I know it’s going to suck.

My buddy forgets how to get to the club. We’ve been there over seven times, yet he somehow manages to forget how to get there every time. Of course, with the kind of guy I am, I give him shit. I go on a small rant on how he hasn’t been able to remember how to get there even though we have been there half a dozen times. We are about to turn towards the club to find parking and my buddy doesn’t turn, he goes straight. He ceases to talk, we head straight to the freeway.

I’m relieved. In my mind I thought he just was too tired or figured out it was too much of a hassle, I don’t know. While we are in silence, I break with a question that was consuming my curiosity. I ask why we are headed home. He replies exactly as I thought he would. “Nah, don’t feel like dancing anymore.”

Yep, you know that wasn’t the truth. I knew it too. I asked again, but more directly. “Did you get offended by what I said?”

He finally breaks. I knew it. My buddy’s words were masked with a layer of anger and rage. That’s one thing he is not good at is navigating. Orientation and reading a map, location, driving to a destination, etc.

Sincerely, my mood dropped, my emotions fell, I experienced a trainwreck. I apologized over and over, and he finally accepted. There wasn’t much else I could do. Keep in mind, this was on the whole way home.

We finally get to my house and he offers to have a beer with me. My buddy is a good guy, and I respect him for that.

However, that was a wake up call. I’m too mean. My sense of humor is too harsh. To my defense, I would have never known my buddy was sensitive about this. Yet, I shouldn’t give him grief or make a joke at his expense. I went overboard. I know it. Lesson learned.

Oh, right. Ambition.

So I got my job after the interview. I was supposed to start about 1.5 weeks after the interview, so I decided to go see my sister and fly to California. There, I met up with another sister and her family. It was a good time and I almost forgot how good it feels to know you are surrounded with people who, at the very least, tolerate you.

Oh, right. My sister got in a fight with my brother-in-law and we left early. Oh well.

Anyways, I’ve got this job that is like the dream one I’ve wanted and read about in books and what not. It’s similar to Google. Free food, scooters so anyone can ride in them, nerf guns, free healthcare, etc. It’s basic socialism.

It’s a software company that specializes in education. More importantly, it’s not part of the government, so the company can do whatever the fuck it wants to do as long as it doesn’t piss off its’ shareholders.

I’ve noticed something within myself with this new change. I’m not as ambitious anymore to go out and do stuff. It’s like I’m comfortable again, which I am. I clearly haven’t written, gone out every weekday, or felt like doing much. I’m only guessing that it’s this comfortable lifestyle, but I have a good feeling it is.

Oh, and I’ve gotten heavily into chess.