Quitting is Healthy

Dude, I’ve been unemployed for about a year, except for working at some financial company for two weeks. 8 months out of that was for traveling for another country, and the rest was trying to find a job. After working at a company for two weeks I quit. 2 weeks after that I’ve now found a new job and will start next week.

Quitting a job after only working there for a pay period feels weird. Before I had that position, I was desperate. Desperately trying to move out of my parents place while having some money in my pocket to make ends meet. Granted, I had some money saved up so it wasn’t that big of a deal. But, the guilt of being unemployed and living at my parents was embarrassing; I hate admitting that. This, plus dating a girl was also just humiliating. I felt like a real loser.

Fast forward to having a job in a toxic work environment, I just couldn’t take it. I was making way less than I was used to at other companies so I figured I just didn’t need to put up with it. It was better for me to remain unemployed and look for better positions with a better work environment. So I quit. No notice given. I sent an email saying some things came up and apologized for not giving a notice. No regrets.

I used to look down on people for not wanting to work. It never clicked why. There was no understanding on my part, and simply too narrow minded to want to understand.

I get it now.

This isn’t some hippie mantra that I’m going to spew, but dude, who wants to work, honestly? Having the freedom to do what you want is always going to be better than working, but I digress, it’s necessary. A necessary evil, perhaps.

New Me, New Gainz

I genuinely couldn’t think of a better title, sorry.

So, I’ve finally got a diet that has been working for me and have now been at a healthy weight for about 6 months. My landlord has a gym that he lets me use, and I’m tracking my diet to be lean and muscular. This is not important.

I guess it’s just more a coincidental serendipity that I have this newfound confidence at the same time that I’m becoming happier with my physical self. I wish I could say that having this “new me” would be independent of my physical self, but they are intertwined,.. I think. The question will always remain, but the important thing is that all this is in the past. The new me, happy with himself, is going to be sticking around for a long time.

Again, looking back at the previous posts I made it’s almost incredible I was able to maintain a friend at all. The loneliness was so penetrative that I thought it was going to be a permanent lifestyle. At one point I was trying to talk to a cashier at Wal-Mart while purchasing my items just for the simple interaction. It may have even been why I was at coffee shops for hours at a time; Because the employees gave me a sense of familiarity, even if they didn’t know my name.

Sad reminders, begone.

I’m happy again, friend.

Dude, so much to catch up on

Okay, let’s just recap super quick to where I’m at at this point. Time for bullet points!

• Moved back from Australia
• Broke up with a girl
• Enjoyed being unemployed
• Panicked because I couldn’t find a job
• Moved out without having a job
• New roommate is transgender
• Started dating someone
• Found a job
• Quit the job
• Found a new job

Honestly, I don’t even want to get into all stuff, too boring and emotionally reviving to try and tediously detail what went on with the transition from Australia. I’m currently writing on a cool night on the first of October, after accepting a job that I’m happy to have, but wasn’t the first choice. I mean, what I mean to say is that I was hoping to hear back from another…. Forget it, I don’t want to talk about it.

Let’s talk about how I’ve grown as a person!

^{Yeah, this shit is way better, more entertaining for all of my readers. _{I have zero readers}.}

Well, I am pretty much the most confident person that I know. Yes, I know, super arrogant and cocky sounding, but, let me explain! I have flaws, duh, everyone knows. There’s no point in caring about what anyone thinks of you. Since coming back from Australia there’s been this new mindset that I have unknowingly achieved. It’s a type of attitude that just takes everything in as is, and I’m experiencing as the moment unfolds. There’s no thinking, worrying, anxious thoughts that make my day cumbersome. As simply as thinking of how conversations would go to how I would envision myself in the future, there’s just no more worries. The moment happens as it unfolds.

“It’s so subtle, yet so effective”

I’m not explaining myself well enough to articulate how impactful the change has been. It’s so subtle, yet so effective! The previous relationship ended in an… interesting fashion, and have yet to understand why I’ve grown so bitter about it. Yet, I don’t care enough about it to keep exploring. Though, the benefits that I’ve had from the previous relationship and my stay in Australia have been so beneficial that I can’t simply say anything else but thank the Universe, stars, chakras, etc. for it.

Looking through previous writings it’s extremely reductionist and almost rude to say what is; I was simply young.

My previous mentality riddled my self-esteem and confidence with negative self-talk, negative body-image, overthinking, over-analyzing, fear of unknown, fear of failure, and overall insecurity. I don’t think there was a real moment when I broke free of these thoughts, but I can’t say there was a reason that all this stemmed from. To be honest, I was just young and insecure, nothing more and nothing less.

I hope to be writing more, for future me to know that I’ve already come along way.