Overcoming Obstacles

Whoa! Is this about to be my first relationship post?

I mean, maybe? I can’t remember any of my previous posts.

A few days ago my girlfriend and I felt lethargic, snarky, short, and irritable. Working from home doesn’t help the situation when the office you’re working from is a constant 85 degrees. Toasty. This, and please don’t judge me when I say this, the constant visual presence of another human is sometimes irritating. Let’s just say we were definitely in a funk.

After we were both off, we decided to go to the grocery store and shop for a few items. The mood was improving, but we were making progress. We were acknowledging it.

Words were said, thoughts and ideas were being discussed, explored more so and thought out loud. The chemistry improved, the bitterness dwindled and more natural smiles and laughs were exchanged.

The rest of the day was a blur, but that same night we went out for a small stroll.

Our smiles were more prevalent, the smiles became natural, and a laughs were shared. We are one again.

I don’t quite know how to end this post.

I’m going to have to rename this blog pretty soon

I’m 27 now, turning 28 in a few months.

My perspective is changing, time is moving faster, and new experiences are rarer to find. You guessed it, folks. ^{I’m getting old.}

There’s no melancholy here. I’m diving head first and absolutely relishing this fact. It may be surprising, but it’s also very logical.

Growing up in the teenage years and early twenties, external pressures forced me to have friends that weren’t really friends, be in situations that I hated, and self-esteem was not surprisingly low. That’s not even a self-diagnosed exaggeration. That’s literally what my therapist at that time told me.

Thanks to my brain getting older, along with an increased positive attitude, and different experiences, I’m WAY happier. I’m not saying this like an influencer either, I’m really just telling some hard-hitting facts. It’s just a different world, and I’m a different person altogether.

It’s a simple life, surrounded by loved ones, new friends, and awesome conversations.

Is this supposed to be a bummer of a post? Nah, not even a little bit. I’m happy. That’s all that matters.

“You have low self-esteem. See you next week”

– MY THERAPIST

The 9-5 Grind

This post would probably get me in trouble at work. Who cares.

I’ve been in my big boy position now for about a month and a half-ish. It’s pretty nice, cozy, and laid back. I’m upset that I let myself believe that customer service was the only industry that I was going to be able to fit in. I thought I would be a supervisor somewhere just hating my life.

But now, I’m in a completely different industry and it’s way easier, less stressful, and extremely comfortable. That being said, another reason that I wasn’t moving into a different industry from the beginning was because the “skillset” wasn’t there. “We chose someone with more experience”, is something I would hear often.

That’s just total bullshit.

You’re telling me you need someone with experience to work in a position where you have to email folks? Experience with that? Get out of my face with that lame ass excuse.

Also, a part of me didn’t want the cushy 9-5 schedule because I felt like it would consume my whole day. I wouldn’t be able to have a morning and wouldn’t be able to stay up late. This is definitely not important.

I’ve also noticed that my mood is WAY better. There are no upsetting emotions that I go through on a daily basis, no weird pretending to like my job attitude, and no angry customers.

It’s upsetting I let myself go through that for so many years.

Now, daily plans are made deciding what we are going to do with our free afternoons. It doesn’t get much better than this. My excitement only grows imagining the possibilities on how my future in this career unfolds.

Blogging for Maintenance

There’s nothing interesting to write about today. There are no cool thoughts or mental breakthroughs of any nature. Not one interesting thought, but overall this past weekend was fun.

We spent a night in a University hotel and just hung out in a different city.

Photo by Taryn Elliott on Pexels.com

I’m blogging for maintenance and just getting into the rhythm of daily writing.

Nothing new to report. Moving on…

A Moment to Appreciate

There’s no such thing as perfection, only high standards. Yesterday was as close as to perfection as I could have wanted.

After my shift, my girlfriend and I went to workout. After a killer workout, we came home and got ready to head out for dinner.

Once we downed our food we took a calming stroll in our neighborhood and visited the local library where she checked out some Britney Spears’s music.

We stopped and admired the sunset on some brick fencing and just chatted. There was nothing remarkable about our conversation, and I honestly don’t remember what we spoke about. However, a realization had occurred. My imagined life as a younger person would have thought the life that I was living now was my dream. In shorter words, I’m living my dream.

I have to start taking some photos and pictures, because maybe down the road a few more years I’ll forget how awesome I had it.

There was also a moment of relief. Some fond memories of the city I grew up in have crossed my mind more often these days, and I almost get emotional of the long walks I would take in my neighborhood. I thought the day I moved out of my town I would look back fondly.

I do. But I also get emotional because I know I would never get those times back. They were simple, and my mind was so young and developing. The transformation had not yet begun. Yet, yesterday I had so much fun and created such a simple memory that I learned the great moments are always on the horizon. You just have to look for them.

The Struggle is Important

Now I finally have a decent paying job, out of customer service, and it’s absolutely lovely. It’s so comfortable and nice that I think I’ve been brainwashed into thinking customer service was the only thing I was ever going to do.

About a month ago I was going to bed and waking up with anxiety, nervousness, and overall existentialism. Hindsight would have let me know there was never anything to worry about. Of course, even if you did know everything was going to work out, it’s hard not to panic about anyway. Funny thing, the human brain.

Please note, I was already very happy with my current life, and even believe this is the happiest I have ever been. The customer service job I had was very easy, and felt like I could do more, but for the time being, it was fantastic.

When I decided to look for a different job, that’s when the existentialism started to kick in. I was getting rejected left and right, I was worried about the “accuracy” of my resumé, and to top it all off, I quickly noticed my income was not enough.

I’m super comfortable with where I’m at in every category I can think of (or at least the important ones to me), and I find myself being bored. Granted, there’s not much to do in my current position, but you get where I’m going with this.

I’m excited to know where this boredom will take me, especially knowing there is no pressure to act on anything. Maybe my writing will improve, or maybe I’ll take up a different hobby. I did bachata a few years ago because I was so insecure in thinking I was too boring.

I need to feel awesome again, and overcome some new struggles.

Protecting the Past

I have been dealing with the mortality of my younger past for about a month now. This sounds WAY more dramatic than it is, but in essence, I’m really just forgetting my past and the way I was. It’s more sad than melancholy.

The positive news in all of this is that it’s been a source of inspiration and motivation to find new experiences and document them as well. I fear to say that a lot of my younger 20’s have been forgotten. The irony is that I felt I was never going to change from the person that I was.

I’ve changed for the better.

That being said, I think I’m going to be more willing to document my friends, interactions, and small meaningless interactions. Can you imagine a montage of my life made up of small clips? Only two things would be the outcome; The first is that it would really impress people. The second is that it would really bore people. The most important outcome is that I would be happy, thrilled, maybe even shed a tear from looking at the playback.

In a way, you could say that I’m dealing with a symptom of not living in the moment. Although, I don’t live in my head as I used to, I think I’m still not fully immersing myself in my surroundings.

We’ll see how this goes.

A Stoner in My Mid-20’s

Boom, didn’t expect that mic drop, huh?

It’s not even a big deal. A large majority of my friends partake in the devil’s lettuce, but I have been regularly using weed around the age of 26.

It was the perfect age for me to start using it too. I feel complete, and an overall incredibly happy young person. I love, I feel loved, and I want to give love too. I don’t want to have this post come off as a hippy finding himself, but unfortunately that’s just life.

I’ve been dealing with the mortality of my younger past for a few months now. The memories that were once fresh, and always at my disposal, are being replaced with new experiences and new beginnings, and honestly learning how to be a healthy minded person. I’m relishing in learning my first steps again.

There is some sadness, though, as the memories that I had of walking with Stephany in a park for hours, or simply going on long nightly walks in my lonely days, although sad and not happy, I strangely miss them.

The thought of living in my old house for over 20 years where I would see my mom daily, conversing about meaningless moments, bringing a new girlfriend to the house, or clumsily and drunkenly sneaking in back from the bar at forbidden times.

The memory of walking from school on cool Autumn days where I remember fondly the cool breeze touching my face.

I’m excited about where my new life is going, and eager for my new experiences with Sarah.

I can’t forget where I’ve been.

I think I’m an actual adult

Maybe this is just me, but have you ever seen a fully grown person and forgotten they were once young and dumb? As in, you just see them as older?

I think I’m that person now, and I don’t know how to feel about it.

In recent weeks, I feel as though the childhood years I went through are completely gone. It’s like one day I was still trying to move out of my mom’s house, and then the next day I got a secure job and started adulthood.

It’s not sad, but I’m sad I am forgetting.

Once again, I am trying to restart a healthy blogging schedule, and yet again, I hope I can stick to it.

Also, just as a friendly reminder to myself of where I’m currently at, I started a job that’s out of customer service! I’m actually starting a career!

That’s where I’m at, but mentally, that’s something I’d like to explore more.