Becoming an Adult (But Actually Becoming One)

10 years ago I turned 18.

I think I wrote my first blog post around that time and it was all about how unique and interesting I was.

I’m 28 years old and am realizing how idealistic my mentality was. I thought I was unique, interesting, silly, and in a very toxic way, thought I was better than everyone else.

My body feels different, and lack of sleep plays a bigger detrimental effect on my day. My lower back is giving me more problems. I’m not a fan of staying up as long as possible anymore, old hobbies don’t interest me as much, and I spend more time thinking about how to improve. On the other side of the spectrum, there have been huge wins.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

I’m way more financially stable, more goal-oriented, and even started school again. I’m thirsty for a career change and am embracing the adult-minded evolution.

In essence, I’m becoming “boring” which is a word I’ve really overused in the last few years of my life. I think I’m finding my stride and ultimately understanding who I am. Close friends, quality time with my girlfriend, financial stability, and a home.

Now that I have literally written out a list of my desires, I am mildly shocked that my life revolves around these four elements.

Switching topics, as I often do, I have to write down my update from my coding BootCamp. It’s so FUCKING hard. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Stressed nights, occupied weekends, a few tears shed. Javascript is absolutely kicking my ass but we’re finally moving on to the next topic.

Furthermore, my chess club is growing ever so slightly, but the community aspect of it is thriving. I wouldn’t say any of us are close friends, but the people that I’ve connected with have been willing to help with the coding stuff.

As a reminder to myself, I’m very capable of maintaining friends and developing close relationships. Of course, the road to actual connection is rocky and not always perfect, but I got it in me to be successful.

Better Days Ahead

My last post was literally about not making enough money, and the feeling of always wanting more. It was all based around fear, and quite honestly, it still is.

However, just recently, I’ve been trying to be more proactive about my financial future and overall just make better financial decisions. The end result is that I’ve just felt better.

A sensation of calm, excitement, and a little day dreaming has left me feeling like my future is going to be awesome.

It’s rare that I think about the future. As a self-described over-thinker, thinking about my future plans, like buying a house or upgrading to a better gym, have never been at the forefront of my day-to-day through processes. The only thing that has changed is that I’ve slowly been informing myself about the financial world. Emphasis on slowly because I’m a terrible student. If you’ve been through the YouTube rabbit whole then you know.

I’m thankful that I’m no longer in a state of small panic. Now, there’s a little hesitancy about the future, but I feel good and am welcoming the challenge.

It was just a few years ago that I felt like a young boy, uninformed, lacking confidence, and lacking motivation. It’s hard to describe how I used to be. There are no other words but personified immaturity.

Since I started my new position those feelings have disappeared and I truly think leaving customer service and finding a role has helped me drastically, along with a nice increase in pay. Is it ironic that more money has made me feel better and more accomplished? Sure, but even without the increase in pay, I feel a more direct responsibility and ownership for what I do. It’s a great feeling.

Another nonsensical vomit of words. The end.

Creative Outlet

Well, I’m 22 now turning 23 in September. I just barely looked back at my first and only post here on WordPress and I must say that my writing skills have not improved at all. Looking back, it seemed like I was bragging when I was describing myself as atheist, vegetarian, and other irrelevant details. No one cares. You didn’t come to find out about boring details of my life,… or did you?

Anyways, I’m working at a job where I cannot express my creativity. That sounds pretentious but I wanted to do something that will keep me entertained, and if an audience gathers around my terrible writing, so be it. So I figured I could use this little free website to try and expose Salt Lake City a little bit more and maybe some photography. I don’t know what I’m doing, but please indulge. If not, I don’t care. This is really for me trying to find excitement and keep me sane until I find a job I love, or something cheesy like that. Plus, there’s porn on the internet, why would you look at blogs?

 

Where I am now:

I am going to Weber State University (Whoo!) and am majoring in Psychology and minoring in Political Science. If you are anything like my dad or mom then you must be disappointed in my career choice. I don’t blame you. I am also disappointed in my life decisions.

Just last week, I finished my first internship. I was an intern for the legislative session which lasts 45 days here in Utah. That doesn’t sound like much, but for someone that has had little to no experience in an office setting, wears a suit everyday, and even being bullied by micromanagers, then yes, it was long. “But did you have fun, Benihana93?” Yes, it was fun and I don’t regret doing it. It was extremely rewarding and it was a complete change of pace to what I’m used to. That is, working in the electronics department in a Supermarket store. I don’t know if this blog will ever be discovered by people I know. If that happens, then I’m not sure if posting personal details about myself is the best thing to do. Seriously, if you haven’t noticed by now, I have no idea what I am doing with this blog thingy. If anyone can offer advice (free) I would damn well appreciate it. I really have no idea what the hell I am doing. Anyways, about this supermarket store, It’s fine. It pays the bills, pays my car, phone, food, etc.. Hell, I could stay there long enough and just milk the pay raises and retire there. No degree required either! Although, that doesn’t make me happy.

(Banksy)

By all means, don’t think I am loaded with money, because I am not. I have plenty of free time and this company works well with my school schedule, but it isn’t making me happy. Technically, I have everything that any other student would want right now. Oh, except friends, I don’t have many friends right now, but that’s beside the point ha! So maybe a little writing will do me good and I can say what’s on my mind. This will keep me busy! … until my existentialism crisis sets in…

Where I am headed now (Hopefully)

“Life is too short to be an Asshole” – Louis CK

Anyways, I hope to have a solid job that I love doing. Simple but effective. I can’t go around putting limits on opportunities. What kind of sick person does that?

“Hey, Benihana93. You get to direct a movie and be in charge of movie stuff. Oh, but this amazing opportunity does come with one requirement.”

-“Yes?”

“You might not get paid until the movie is over.”

-“Oh, yeah I’m not interested.”

The point of this shitty joke is that I may need to compromise on a few things to get where I want to be. I really had no idea on what witty thing to say as the punchline. By the way, I am an aspiring comic. Joking!

I don’t know what I’ll be doing in the future, but at least I have already decided on the person I want to become. Right now, I have a good sense of humor. Problem is that I tease others a little too harshly at times. Yes, I know what you are thinking. “But that’s the best type of humor, Benihana93!” And I know that. However, I have lost friends because of this and am perceived as an asshole sometimes. I used to have such a pride in being the way I am. I didn’t care if others perceived me as mean or an asshole if that meant I got a few laughs out of my banter. But that’s such a terrible way to live. My goodness! I don’t know if it is my age or becoming more concerned for the close friends I have. I need to tone down my humor if that makes others feel better around me. And that’s ok. I can still be funny and have people enjoy my company as well.

Well, I guess that’s my second post. I don’t know how to end these things. It’s like saying bye to people you still need in your life. Maybe ending in a cheesy quote or something like that.

“Don’t Worry, Be Happy”