Becoming an Adult (But Actually Becoming One)

10 years ago I turned 18.

I think I wrote my first blog post around that time and it was all about how unique and interesting I was.

I’m 28 years old and am realizing how idealistic my mentality was. I thought I was unique, interesting, silly, and in a very toxic way, thought I was better than everyone else.

My body feels different, and lack of sleep plays a bigger detrimental effect on my day. My lower back is giving me more problems. I’m not a fan of staying up as long as possible anymore, old hobbies don’t interest me as much, and I spend more time thinking about how to improve. On the other side of the spectrum, there have been huge wins.

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I’m way more financially stable, more goal-oriented, and even started school again. I’m thirsty for a career change and am embracing the adult-minded evolution.

In essence, I’m becoming “boring” which is a word I’ve really overused in the last few years of my life. I think I’m finding my stride and ultimately understanding who I am. Close friends, quality time with my girlfriend, financial stability, and a home.

Now that I have literally written out a list of my desires, I am mildly shocked that my life revolves around these four elements.

Switching topics, as I often do, I have to write down my update from my coding BootCamp. It’s so FUCKING hard. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Stressed nights, occupied weekends, a few tears shed. Javascript is absolutely kicking my ass but we’re finally moving on to the next topic.

Furthermore, my chess club is growing ever so slightly, but the community aspect of it is thriving. I wouldn’t say any of us are close friends, but the people that I’ve connected with have been willing to help with the coding stuff.

As a reminder to myself, I’m very capable of maintaining friends and developing close relationships. Of course, the road to actual connection is rocky and not always perfect, but I got it in me to be successful.

Better Days Ahead

My last post was literally about not making enough money, and the feeling of always wanting more. It was all based around fear, and quite honestly, it still is.

However, just recently, I’ve been trying to be more proactive about my financial future and overall just make better financial decisions. The end result is that I’ve just felt better.

A sensation of calm, excitement, and a little day dreaming has left me feeling like my future is going to be awesome.

It’s rare that I think about the future. As a self-described over-thinker, thinking about my future plans, like buying a house or upgrading to a better gym, have never been at the forefront of my day-to-day through processes. The only thing that has changed is that I’ve slowly been informing myself about the financial world. Emphasis on slowly because I’m a terrible student. If you’ve been through the YouTube rabbit whole then you know.

I’m thankful that I’m no longer in a state of small panic. Now, there’s a little hesitancy about the future, but I feel good and am welcoming the challenge.

It was just a few years ago that I felt like a young boy, uninformed, lacking confidence, and lacking motivation. It’s hard to describe how I used to be. There are no other words but personified immaturity.

Since I started my new position those feelings have disappeared and I truly think leaving customer service and finding a role has helped me drastically, along with a nice increase in pay. Is it ironic that more money has made me feel better and more accomplished? Sure, but even without the increase in pay, I feel a more direct responsibility and ownership for what I do. It’s a great feeling.

Another nonsensical vomit of words. The end.