I’ve been snappy, irritable, emotional, rude, and unkind. Period.
There’s no sugarcoating it and there’s no “real” excuse to be made. I put real in quotes because I don’t know if there’s any real reason, other than obvious ones, that would permit shitty attitude and behavior.
My thoughts about small interactions have become somewhat toxic, or at least incredibly judgmental. Instant justification is immediate, and excuses are made when someone questions why I acted the way I did. I say things like “She just seemed dull”, “just a lot of boring conversations”, or my favorite “It’s just so loud”. Again, I’m speaking on small, insignificant interactions that justify (only to me) and disqualify me from having fun and just taking it all in.
An example, you ask? There are a few, but recalling these moments is worthless because the overall denominator that prevents me from having a good time is just ME.
I’m living inside my head again. It’s like a defensive mechanism that allows me to take a foreign environment and make it more familiar to me. I see a person I don’t know, I make a judgment on how I THINK they are and run with it. I’m in an area with tons of people? I will probably think in a way that will make me feel holier-than-thou.
The unfortunate side effect from an already toxic quality is that I FEEL that this feeling is lingering and strengthening. It’s gotta stop.
One thing that has made me feel better is a quote I heard once. I forget where I heard it, but it goes something like this:
If you surround yourself with good people, it’s impossible to have a bad time
– Batman, or someone idk.
Young Man Daily 